Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Randomize
