Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize