It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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