It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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