Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
