quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
