Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
