I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
