i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
