i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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