I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
