Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
