Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
