It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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