I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
