I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Panties = found
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
