the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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