i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
