she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
