when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
oh god the rape fog is back!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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