Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
