i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
