I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
