Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
