actually, I'm a sock model
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How does one acquire holy water?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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