She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
