If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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