oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Every concussion has its silver lining
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
