You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
