He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
