I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
