I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
