yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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