She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
