One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize