margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
