just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
