speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You left your phone here
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