Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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