i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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