My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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