Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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