not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
