I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
