There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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