I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
