Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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