and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
