I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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