I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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