hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
