college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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