Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
