I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
