It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
