I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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