Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
