when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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