And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize