VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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