dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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