Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
