So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
