Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
