if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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