its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
