dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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