I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize